Under Five Moons
by Chiara Crawford
Summary: One-shot. He died with her on Asuras.


Title: Under Five Moons

RATING: PG

WARNINGS: None

CATEGORY: Angst, Drama, Introspective

PAIRING: Sparky, S/J

ARCHIVES: , Command Dynamics

SPOILERS: Lifeline

SUMMARY: He died with her on Asuras.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Stargate: Atlantis.

I have written this story for entertainment purposes only and no money whatsoever has exchanged hands. No copyright infringement is intended. The original characters, situations, and story are the property of the author(s).

* * *

The recently promoted Colonel Sam Carter arrived in the City of Atlantis at night, when only the graveyard shift was on duty. Instead of beautiful sunlight streaming through the windows, only the slight illumination of several lamps greeted her.

It had surprised her, when she had been appointed the new Commander of Atlantis. Of course, it was a huge step in her military career but she couldn't quite feel happy with this development. She was now not only a galaxy away from her private life – and it was high time that this private life became her first priority – but she was also following into the footsteps of a much beloved leader.

Sam didn't kid herself. Atlantis was not the SGC. While there were some personnel with whom she had worked with before, these people didn't know her or trusted her. A year cut off from Earth and fighting for survival in a hostile and strange galaxy would either break people or create unwavering we-will-follow-you-to-the-death faith. She had seen it in SG-1 in the early years, when confronted with an overwhelming foe. Thus it was not a surprise to her that the people she met in Atlantis were neither very welcoming nor particularly trusting. Strangely enough, the only person who willingly associated with her was Dr. Rodney McKay. And wasn't that ironic?

He had been there to greet her in that ungodly hour of the night. Sam, personally, had expected Colonel Sheppard but Rodney was at least someone she knew.

The flicker of resentment in his eyes was quickly concealed and though the scientist wanted to portray himself as the usual arrogant McKay, she saw in him a certain sadness and grief that only came from mourning family. He had swiftly taken some of her bags and began leading her to her quarters, the silent reproachful gazes of the technicians in Operations following her until she was out of sight.

McKay filled her in on ongoing projects and repairs but he quickly fell into an uneasy silence.

"Where's Colonel Sheppard?" She asked quietly and saw him flinch.

"Ah," he shifted uncomfortably, "Keller made him go to bed, although I doubt that he followed her orders."

She wasn't quite sure what he meant by that and it was only the next morning that she found out.

Sam had met Colonel Sheppard a few times when he was on Earth. He had always been an easy-going, funny man, who reminded her sometimes of Jack. The silent shadow of the man she had met was completely different. Sleep deprived, he had obvious bags under his eyes, which were lifeless and cold. His uniform was dishevelled, his hair even more unruly than she remembered and his posture screamed of depression.

It was as if the man lost all will to live. Still, something in his eyes spoke of a steely determination, a desperation that was not entirely sane.

Cold dread filled her as she gazed at her new subordinate. Was he stable? Would she be able to rely on him or would she have to relieve him of his duties? She knew that such an action would not go over well with the Atlantis personnel and she hoped that it wouldn't come to that.

That day and the ones following it passed. Slowly, Sam worked and adapted to her new position. It was not easy and had Sheppard not quietly supported her leadership, she knew that the Atlanteans wouldn't have followed her orders as smoothly as they did. Still, she wondered if they would ever accept her. The atmosphere in the city was one of dark grief, anger and mourning. The Expedition lamented its leader, a woman who was deeply respected and loved by her people. It was depressing but necessary in order to heal. And many had started to be friendlier towards her. It was progress, if not success.

Sheppard, though. He concerned her. Following her arrival, he had retreated to the life of a phantom or ghost. The man was only seen when on duty, otherwise vanishing into the twisting corridors of the city. He didn't look better. The bags under his eyes only deepened and the exhaustion was flowing from him in waves. Sam had seen his teammates giving him concerned glances but nothing helped. Sometimes, late at night, she saw him on one of the balconies, not far from Operations, staring out at the five moons of this new Lantea. It was the only time he looked vaguely content, although anguish still covered his body like a shield.

There were whispers, of course, that told the reason why the man was but dark fleeting smoke, slowly drifting through the city, never pausing, never stopping. She saw the people observing their one original remaining leader as he wasted away in front of their eyes and she heard them.

_He died with her on Asuras._

One of them told.

_Her spirit is ti__ed with his, calling her home._

Another murmured.

Her concern grew so much that she turned to the only one who could help her.

"You ask me if he is suicidal?" Rodney's voice was quiet, so unlike the energetic and loud man he normally was. He looked sad and also worried. In his eyes she saw that he had also thought about it. "No, he isn't." Then he added almost demurely. "At least not yet. He has still hope. He still believes he will find her and he took upon him her duty to protect and defend Atlantis until his last breath."

"Or die trying."

"Or die trying." He confirmed at last.

"Were they ever…?" She trailed off. It wasn't her place to ask. It seemed that the relationship between John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir had been as complicated as hers and Jack's. Were all the leaders in the Stargate Program doomed to have no private life, to sacrifice their love for the greater good? At least for her, it seemed, a happy ending was possible, though it had only occurred after more than a decade. Suddenly, she understood very well how Sheppard felt. She, too, had many times almost despaired at the thought of losing her beloved general.

"I don't know, not with any certainty, at least." Rodney shook his head, his eyes dark and defeated. "They were close, much closer than anyone. There were rumors, naturally, but nobody knows for sure. But I think…" he hesitated, glancing at her briefly, "I think that they were, if not in body then at least in heart and soul."

She had not known Rodney McKay to ever be poetic but his words stuck a chord in her, sympathy rising in her being for someone who was now in almost the same position she had been so many times before.

"I know that you think about relieving him of his duty." Rodney paused, then gathered himself and stared at her with all the seriousness he could muster. "Don't. It is the only thing he has left. He will not fail in his duty to protect Atlantis. He would never disregard her wishes and he would never fail her." With that the scientist turned, walking back into the bowels of his city, back to his own grief and guilt.

The next time Sam saw John Sheppard standing on a deserted balcony under five brilliant moons, bathed in their silver glow and looking lonely but determined, she let him be. Empty platitudes or words of sympathy would not do anything; that she knew, as it had never helped her in these times.

Looking up at the moons, she silently promised Elizabeth Weir to look after the silent sentinel, who protected her city in her absence. If the fates would allow it, she would guard him as he guarded the city until its true leader returned.

Sam Carter could do nothing else.

And pray.


End file.
